This September sees a global awareness for sexual health advocacy. Around the world, people are celebrating the uniqueness of sexuality and sharing information about how to keep our sex lives in tip-top shape. Remember, your sexual health starts with connecting to your personal desires and ends with ensuring safe sex for your body and mind. Every new experience can have an impact on our sexual physicality and wellbeing, be it a new partner, past memories, or a future pregnancy. So let’s have a look at ways to give yourself and your sex life everything it needs for optimum health and happiness.
What does "Sexual Health" actually mean
Sexual health is often associated with practicing safe, consensual sex and having regular screenings for Sexually Transmitted Infections and Diseases (STIs and STDs). These are fundamental elements of nurturing one’s sex life. However, the mental and emotional relationship we have with ourselves and our partners also dictates our sexual wellbeing. Remembering that the brain is the most important sexual organ (1), it's important to pay some attention to how you're feeling about your sexuality, your body, and your lovers. Do you feel safe, heard, and respected? If not, analysing why is a great first step to acknowledging your own boundaries and needs. By unravelling reasons why, and how your body responds to the idea and experience of physical touch, you can decipher what you want on your own terms.
Follow this up with communication and information. Actually talking to your partners, your friends, and your loved ones about how to create safe and fulfilling sexual relationships helps prevent damaging, misinformed experiences and decisions. Education is key; knowing how to protect yourself and your loved ones from STIs goes hand in hand with discussing contraception choices and boundaries. Building a better connection with your own body through self-knowledge and mindful masturbation is directly correlated to your mental health and carving out space for a personal bodily connection.
Remember that life events can have a real impact on how we feel in our bodies and sexuality. For many women, trying to conceive or becoming a mother means a whole new chapter of seeing and feeling the body change and recover physically. And for some, this can result in a disconnection with arousal and physical contact (2). Often, trauma can lead to a spectrum of emotional responses from disliking intimacy and putting up protective barriers, to desiring more physically intense forms of sexual intimacy (3,4). We’ll be looking at ways you can relax into sexual pleasure and explore your sensuality through every new chapter life brings.
How to Maintain Your Own Sexual Health
For many people, there can be a sense of shame around discussing sex and being seen naked. This can put people off from seeking medical advice or asking questions about how to have a more fulfilling sex life. But remember, knowledge is power; the more you know, the more agency you have over your sexual health. Do away with the damaging stereotypes associated with what “kind of people” contract STIs and recognise how talking about your health and making sure you are screened for any diseases is an adult and responsible act. Let go of past presumptions about STIs being dirty and know that being in denial by not getting tested and not using condoms puts you at a far greater risk of jeopardising you/your partners’ sexual health.
Just like food, we can use sex as a coping mechanism or avenue for control. Think about why you are having, or not having, sex and any recent events that may have impacted you/your partners’ relationship with intimacy and the body. Whether you are post-partum and feeling like the owner of a completely new body, or rebuilding your relationship with self-pleasure or penetrative sex, remember that we all deserve love and attention. Make sure you are receiving it in a way that you desire by recognising any feelings of emptiness from the lack of, or result of, intimacy. This can help keep your mental and emotional well-being on track.
And finally, stay aware! There are a multitude of reasons why someone may struggle to connect intimately or why you may be feeling a drop in your libido. Knowing about vaginismus (the involuntary tightening of the vagina), vaginal dryness and erectile dysfunction are all extensions of staying on top of our own, and our loved ones, sexual health. For many, experiencing these conditions make it tricky to have sex and can lead to feelings of isolation or overcompensating in performative ways during intimacy. Avoid this by getting to know all the solutions waiting for you to play with by talking to a sexual therapist or intimacy coach. Check out platforms like The Vaginismus Network and start doing some research about dilators, cock-rings, cognitive behavioural therapy, and dancing as forms of connecting with your sensuality.
Why it’s time to change the stigma
In the past few years, we have seen a significant shift in people educating and advocating for sex positivity, especially amongst women. However, for the majority of people, saying what you need and enforcing that into your life can be met by cultural, religious, and political barriers. This can range from getting basic fertility support and managing symptoms of sexually transmitted infections, to being denied abortion services or experiencing sexual coercion and violence. Supporting the advocacy for female sexual health globally is something that goes hand in hand with breaking the damaging cycle of oppression and gender-based violence. If you are struggling to get the support you need, look into mobile community clinics often run by charities and organisations supporting marginalised or disadvantaged communities.
The negative stigma attached to STIs, in particular the AIDs pandemic, is something that continues to discourage people from being tested for diseases. However, many STIs are asymptomatic, meaning that you’ll never know if you are carrying an infection. If an infection is left undiagnosed, it can have severe consequences on your health, such as infertility, dementia, and problems with the heart and brain (5). Huge advances have been made in HIV treatment allowing people with the virus to have a normal life expectancy and to conceive children safely (6). Known in medical terms as U=U (Undetectable means untransmittable), it’s proven that someone with HIV who is taking antiviral medication will not pass the virus on to their sexual partners, meaning they are uninfectious (7). If you are dating someone who is HIV-positive or having sex with mulitple partners, PrEP (pre-exposure prophylaxis) and PEP (post-exposure prophylaxis) are available to prevent you from contracting the disease (8). And, as always, discuss with new partners their status and what precautions you can put into place so as to have the most fulfilling relationship.
Finally, don’t be scared. Getting tested for an STI is super simple and pain-free. You can expect to be tested for four things - HIV and syphilis (which is done on a blood test), gonorrhea and chlamydia which are vaginal and throat swabs. If you engage in anal play, then rectum swabs will also be required. You don’t have to get your genitals out unless you have symptoms. Instead, you can do your own tests, taking away the fear of having to expose your body. In many countries, you can find home STI testing kits via the internet, delivered discreetly and often for free via charities or healthcare services. Be assured that whatever the situation, there will always be a solution.
How to Celebrate Your Sexual Health
Putting yourself first is the most important part of your sexual health. Start by getting yourself and your partner checked for any STIs and put into action safety measures to maintain your health. Then take some time to think about what you enjoy and how you want to be engaging in intimacy. A great first step is to spend time with your naked self without anyone else pressuring you to do or receive anything. Guided sensuality meditations can help when wanting to connect with your body in a slow and safe way. While audio erotica and naked yoga often help to move beyond fear and towards sexual confidence.
If you’re looking for people to learn from, Dr Naomi Sutton is doing great work debunking myths around sex, and sexuality doula Ev’Yan Whitney’s new book, Sensual Self, is a must-read. Be sure to check out Blood + Milk for it’s community of womanhood or suggest to your close friends to start a “taboo-free” messaging group for respected sharing and caring. Because a problem shared is always a problem halved.
References
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https://nationalcoalitionforsexualhealth.org/media-center/ncsh-in-the-news/why-the-brain-is-our-most-important-sex-organ
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Gutzeit O, Levy G, Lowenstein L. Postpartum Female Sexual Function: Risk Factors for Postpartum Sexual Dysfunction. Sex Med. 2020;8(1):8-13. doi:10.1016/j.esxm.2019.10.005
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Connell KM, Coates R, Wood FM. Sexuality following trauma injury: A literature review. Burns Trauma. 2014;2(2):61-70. Published 2014 Apr 6. doi:10.4103/2321-3868.130189
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Thomas JN. BDSM as trauma play: An autoethnographic investigation. Sexualities. 2020;23(5-6):917-933. doi:10.1177/1363460719861800
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Tsevat DG, Wiesenfeld HC, Parks C, Peipert JF. Sexually transmitted diseases and infertility. Am J Obstet Gynecol. 2017;216(1):1-9. doi:10.1016/j.ajog.2016.08.008
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Semprini AE, Hollander LH, Vucetich A, Gilling-Smith C.Infertility Treatment for HIV-Positive Women. Women’s Health. July 2008:369-382 doi:10.2217/17455057.4.4.369
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Siedner MJ, Triant V. Undetectable = Untransmittable and Your Health: The Personal Benefits of Early and Continuous Therapy for HIV Infection. J Infect Dis. 2019;219(2):173-176. doi:10.1093/infdis/jiy445
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Marfatia YS, Jose SK, Baxi RR, Shah RJ. Pre- and post-sexual exposure prophylaxis of HIV: An update. Indian J Sex Transm Dis AIDS. 2017;38(1):1-9. doi:10.4103/ijstd.IJSTD_26_17
